Peter Crouch grabbed another double in England's rout of minnows Andorra at Old Trafford. Yesterday's romp was Steve McClaren's first competitive match in charge since taking over from failure Sven Goran Eriksson.
McClaren had warned his players they would be the laughing stock of world football if they failed to win. But there was never any danger of that. David Harrison, News of the World
If ever a conclusion was foregone, this was it. Manchester was wet and windy, and much the same could be said for poor little Andorra, who were thoroughly outplayed in a one-sided European Championship qualifier in which they failed to muster a single attempt on goal.
England were professional, to borrow one of Steve McClaren's buzzwords, but could — make that should — have scored more, such was the poverty of the opposition. Peter Crouch ought to have filled his size 12s, but had to be content with two goals, as did Jermain Defoe, his strike partner. The other was a pulverising drive from the man of the match Steven Gerrard.
No easy games in international football? It is difficult to know how else to describe this fixture against the Pyrenean part-timers.
They arrived having lost every match they had ever played in the European Championship, and they were not about to end that barren run here. An abacus was always going to be as useful as a notebook for those charged with keeping score. On the rare occasions when the Andorra players had the ball, they didn't know what to do with it.
The visitors were lambs to the slaughter, troubling referee Herr Brugger only with their theatrical tumbling over harmless challenges.
It was an undemanding reintroduction to the England team for Wes Brown and Phil Neville. Brown, deputising for Rio Ferdinand had next to nothing to do. Neville stood in for his injured brother Gary and suffered by comparison.
More adventurous by inclination, the elder Neville would have had a field day on the overlap. Ferdinand, too, would have enjoyed himself, joining in with the midfield.
Some may quibble with the deployment of Owen Hargreaves as a holding player against such timid opposition, but it made sense to rehearse the team. The same applied to England's use of a back four against opponents who kept all 11 men behind the ball. For this particular task, a back two would have been belt and braces.
Andorra, seeking security in defensive numbers, deployed one striker who spent nearly all his time in midfield. It was a case of all hands to the pumps in a cause that was lost from the outset.
Ashley Cole charged down the left like an auxiliary winger, Gerrard rampaged in off his starting position on the right, while Hargreaves bustled around the midfield like a mother hen.
When the third goal came, Defoe's routine finish from six yards in the 38th minute, the only surprise was it had taken so long to arrive. Gerrard, who had just won the ball three times in the space of five seconds, went from Graeme Souness to John Barnes, jinking his way past the hapless Javi Sanchez on the right touchline before putting over an inviting cross.
The part-timers were always going to tire in the second half. That said, the 47th minute was a bit early.
It could have been more, but only a curmudgeon would carp at 5-0. Call it an easy job, well done. Joe Lovejoy, The Sunday Times